Break-Up or Engagment?

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We have been together on/off for nearly two years.

We genuinely want to be together but are so different that it is a full time job just to be happy.

I have been engaged twice before and this is his first "serious" relationship. Having been in failed relationships previously I decided to be myself from the start I partied, smoked, drank and hid nothing - the last thing on my mind was another relationship, So when he continued to pressure it I agreed to give us a try.

Now he criticizes me for my party habits even though they have changed dramatically. He says he wanted a girly girl who could also hang with the guys but then says he doesn’t want me smoking drinking and talking like a guy around his friends.

I have maintained that I am who I am and will not change because I am happy with my self & that he should either love me or leave me.

As it turns out we are back together again deciding to take the next step but I don’t want to be criticized for the rest of my life nor hold my tongue or be someone else, Though I believe if we are on the same team we can have a happy life together

Here is my pro & con list - any opinions are welcome

Pro: 
  • He has a strong sense of values, morals, and ethics

  • The sex is passionate and amazing, and I'm very attracted to him.
  • We both dont want children
  • He is helpful around the house
  • He has incredible work ethic
  • He and I can talk about anything together, and often have good conversations
  • He doesn't go out on the town, drink, party excessively, or ever put a doubt in my mind about his loyalty to my relationship. He is completely committed to being a good, trustworthy partner to me.
  • He gives me incredible massages
  • He takes care of me when I'm sick
  • is responsible
  • won't cheat
  • Makes me laugh
  • is neat and clean
  • we have fun together
  • Great sleeping position
  • animal lover
  • help there when needed
  • wants me to be healthy
  • calls when he says he will
  • punctual
  • cleans when I cook
  • lets me pick movies
  • Drives me
  • Trustworthy
Con: 
  • He loses his patience very quickly on the road or when someone doesn't agree with him
  • He is so work focused that he forgets to enjoy life and have fun with me. He can be a bore sometimes
  • Sometimes his so overly opinionated that it makes me feel like his opinion is the only one that matters. This sometimes makes me view him as cocky.
  • He's not crazy about my friends, and is not very sociable toward them
  • He is not spending enough time building and nurturing social connections with new people, old people, family, and friends
  • Stubborn
  • Thinks that we will end up like his parents they are still together but unhappy
  • He compares me to his mother
  • is not impulsive
  • Can be self centred
  • Does not involve me in his life - anymore
  • is always trying to get me to exercise and eat less to be skinnier
  • doesn't like it when I try to plan things.
  • he hasn't made up his mind about me and I don't think he ever will
  • isolated violent incident
  • attacks my self worth
  • Does not defend me
  • feel extra self conscious with him
  • He acts like a child around his family
  • Broke up with me on my birthday
  • Does not support my choice of study
  • Criticizes my weight & comments when I eat
  • Dose not love me unconditionally
  • Never surprises me with presents dinners or trips
  • Puts me down
  • Criticizes my social party habits
  • My friends dont know him despite us being together almost two years

Con arguments

Break up.

Submitted by indecisive35 on Sun, 04/01/2012 - 06:19.

One number-one rule about engagement is: be in love. Love is unconditional. The fact that you said he does not love you unconditionally I think is enough for you to walk away and never look back. Your husband needs to love you for who you are. He sounds practically emotionally abusive! Good luck and stay strong, sister.

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