Engaged with Questions

in

I'm engaged to be married in seven months. I have mixed emotions and feelings about marrying my fiance. I feel equally happy and equally doubtful at times.

Pro: 
  • He has a strong sense of values, morals, and ethics that I share
  • The sex is passionate and amazing, and I'm very attracted to him.
  • We both want to start a family soon, and have talked about children since the day we met.
  • He is helpful around the house, often doing things without me asking.
  • He has incredible work ethic, and is very responsible in our relationship.
  • He always tells me how much he loves me both verbally and physically.
  • He and I can talk about anything together, and often have good conversations about life, love, family, dreams, hopes, etc.
  • Whenever I am unhappy with something about my life, our relationship, he works hard to make things better, or make changes to improve whatever I'm unhappy about.
  • We like to do things together like garden, decorate, take pictures, drink wine, go out to dinner, shop, hike, go to museums, go on vacation, try new cafes, etc.
  • He loves me unconditionally. I have expressed my doubts, fears, and insecurities to him many times over-even about questioning whether we will last. He repeatedly tells me that he has faith in our bond, and believes in us-that we can do anything in this life together.
  • He works out, eats healthy, and cares about his fitness level-which is extremely important to me.
  • He doesn't go out on the town, drink, party excessively, or ever put a doubt in my mind about his loyalty to my relationship. He is completely committed to being a good, trustworthy partner to me.
  • He gives me incredible massages.
  • He takes exceptional care of me when I'm sick.
  • He is focused on building a good life for me and our future family together by saving money, working hard, and planning for our future and the big picture for us.
  • He and I make plans to travel at least once a year to a fantasy destination.
  • He sings to me sometimes.
  • He writes the most beautiful cards to me.
  • He loves showering me with gifts.
  • He can't wait to be a loving, supportive father-because he never had a father.
  • He is so intelligent it's sexy. I admire him, and value his opinion on the world, history, and politics.
  • He can pick me up in his arms, and make me feel like a princess.
  • He truly wants the best for me, and wants to take care of me emotionally, financially, and physically.
Con: 
  • He has an incredibly strong temper. Whenever he gets extremely mad, or at his limit he throws things, like his computer, phone, pens, one time a glass spoon holder.
  • He loses his patience very quickly on the road, with simple-stupid things like his computer being too slow, when someone doesn't agree with him
  • He is so work focused that he forgets to enjoy life and have fun with me. He can be a bore sometimes, because he works so hard he has no energy to give to extracurricular activities.
  • I get scared when he gets angry, because he flies off the handle uncontrollably, and it's challenging to be around him when he gets like the Tazmanian devil.
  • Sometimes hes so overly opinionated that it makes me feel like his opinion is the only one that matters. This sometimes makes me view him as cocky.
  • He's not crazy about my friends, and is not very sociable toward them.
  • He is older then me, which leads us to have different ideas, priorities, enjoyments.
  • We don't laugh enough together and I find him boring.
  • He is not spending enough time building and nurturing social connections with new people, old people, family, and friends.

Con arguments

WOW

Submitted by CrazyCat on Sat, 12/19/2009 - 06:16.

Oh my, my dear this is the most difficult situation. OK. First I read the pros and I was like WHERE DID YOU FIND HIM? He seems perfect. So do most abusive men. They're amazing except they have this side. And their amazing side is what makes most women stay, for decades! I know a lady whose husband threw TVs at her, broke bones, broke her skull and she stayed with him until she was 50 because he was so charming and funny, etc.

DO NOT GET MARRIED, DOOOOOO NOTTT AT ALL! Until he gets help. Now please keep in mind, just because he's getting help DOES NOT mean that will help. It sounds like he has emotional intelligence issues, he doesn't know how to express himself. So he throws things to show how angry he is. That's not normal and actually really scary. You could be happy for a bit and you could die one day, just so you know.

If someone doesn't agree with him, computer is too slow - these are very frustrating things but if he loses his temper at things like that, what happens when you yell at him for something? The fact that you get scared is such a huge sign, wow I would not even get involved. YOU ALREADY KNOW what is ahead, you KNOW, and you know you know, but you want us to tell you. And even if we tell you, you won't listen, because you think that if you're nice enough and you smile he won't get angry. That's not true. Another sign of abusive men (and they're not always abusive until a few years into the marriage by the way, and some ONLY start when you're pregnant, becuase that's when they know they've got you). So a huge sign is when they "don't like your friends", in other words they act like "this girl is too promiscous, and that girl is just so chatty, and that girl drinks too much, and that one is this and that one is that..." there are always reasons until you kinda give in to his opinion and lessen the time you spend with friends. Then you won't listen to your friends' opinions about your BF because he kinda made you think ngetaively of them.

* We don't laugh enough together and I find him boring. - u find him boring and you're not even married now? What makes you think you'll have engaging conversation and laughter when you're married? Nothing will change, it's a fact.

* He is not spending enough time building and nurturing social connections with new people, old people, family, and friends. - he fixated on you and nothing else matters. That's not healthy for you, and as a matter fact I'm concerned for your safety IF you decide to say no. YOu have to be VERY gentle and you'll have to pretend a lot if you do decide to leave. You'll have to pretend like you really DO like him, but something came up and you need some time...slowly start seeing him less, and break it off in a safe way...cuz these guys get it their own way, or else.

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