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I don't know what to do...
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I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. I've broken up with him twice because of his lack of communication and have found out after the last breakup (which was in December) that he had lied to me while we were still together. A month later, we got back together.
Less than 4 months later, he moved back in with me (he lived with me for 8 months a year before). While living together, I found a text message on his phone that was fairly inappropriate (red flag: lack of trust = snooping, no good!). Anyhow, he isn't making enough money to help pay half the rent or utilities. He also doesn't have many close friends and is on bad terms with his family. Yes, his problem, but I care about him and am emotionally attached, and would feel as though I was abandoning him, in addition to all the other fears of breaking up! What if I regret it? What if I change my mind and he doesn't want to get back together? I work with him 2 days a week at my p/t job and what if I find out he's with someone else?! What if this can be worked out? My friends don't believe he is the one for me, and they're probably at a better vantage point to see the relationship for what it is.
Pro:
- We both enjoy watching movies together
- We both want to have a family
Con:
- He has a negative point of view
- He wants to be rich and successful but doesn't go above and beyond at work
- He has lied to me
- I do not get along with most of his family
- He is a private person and does not communicate his feelings well
- He doesn't show a lot of interest in me or how I'm feeling.
Pro arguments
Understandable
Submitted by Anonymous on Sat, 12/19/2009 - 01:49.
I understand what u are going through. you are clearly in love with him. If u feel like u need to stay with him, then stay with him. if u feel that the problem can be fixed, go to a marriage councelor or sit down and talk to him privatly. everybody makes mistakes that can be fixed. if he continues to lie and show no improvement, maybe it's best to leave him. but if u guys have been through so much togeather, is it really worth throwing it away over some problems that have the potential to be fixed? make ur decisions. think about what's best for yourself.
Con arguments
You've answered your own question
Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 17:09.
Look at your list of pros/cons...clearly,you see this issue honestly, but your emotions are pulling you in another direction. Just because you feel something for him does NOT make him right for you. He's lied to you and most likely will again and again. It isn't easy. Often, making the right choice is very hard. Be strong. Tell him he needs to move out. Please do this for yourself and your emotions will eventually see with the same clarity your mind does right now.
Not working
Submitted by CrazyCat on Sat, 12/19/2009 - 06:05.
The fact that he's not paying rent doesn't say much because I don't know if he's going to school or whether he doesn't have enough education to afford...
Focus is always on yourself. Don't stay because you feel bad for someone. If you feel bad, you can provide a friend/pay for a counsellor for him...etc.
If you regret it but he doesn't want you back, then you know it's not a good relationship, because if he LOOOVES you he'll take you back.
you're TOTALLY right taht your friends see the situation better than you. I'm not even your friend, but already it looks it's not working out at all.
Your pros ARE NOT ENOUGH to stay. EVERYONE likes watching movies and 90% of guys want a family. LOL I'm so sorry, I'm not laughing at you, but :D I think this is pretty clear.
Negative people - the fact that you notice it is probably because you're positive. Won't work. You'll feel like killing yourself later (lol) when he keeps complaining and sees everything through his gray lens. He wants to be rich - he's a dreamer but is lazy, doesn't want to put any effort into getting there. Meh! lAziness! Marry him, marry his family, don't like his family, don't like him. If he doesn't show interest in you, girl HE"S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
This is NOT working, and you know it!
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