Is it worth staying together any longer

in

My boyfriend and I have been going through really rough times over the past year in our almost 3 year relationship, and the stress of all of it seems to be turning inward on the relationship. I'm wondering if this is worth keeping together any longer or if it should come to an end. These events have included an abortion, job loss and unemployment, me quitting drinking, him losing his business, and moving in together.

Pro: 

-he is great with kids and will one day be a great father
-he has very loyal friendships and goes above and beyond to help people
-he makes me feel beautiful and wanted
-he is very affectionate
-he tells me he loves me all the time
-he gives me great orgasms and pleases me in bed
-he wants to be involved in my hobbies
-he cooks with me and likes my vegan cooking
-he is motivated
-he keeps his promises
-dogged persistence that helps him be successful
-he encourages me to be closer to my family
-he's willing to work on our issues (see a counsellor for communication, discuss my post-abortion support group work)

Con: 

-when I mess up he treats me like a subordinate
-he's less patient than he used to be
-he's often distracted
-he makes me feel guilty for not drinking when I've been told I was alcohol dependent
-he lied and has been deceptive about drugs and inappropriate friendships with other girls
-he's told me heartbreaking things then gone back and said he didn't mean it (ie he doesn't feel the same, he doesn't feel chemistry or passion between us, he'd rather go out with his friend than go out with me, he feels suffocated)
-he won't involve me in conversations when he's speaking Spanish with his friends
-he wants kids before I'm 30 because he's 6 years older than me
-he's disorganized and cluttered around the house
-he's not committed to being fit and healthy
-he's not emotionally supportive about the abortions or making healthy likestyle choices (me not drinking)
-he's stubborn to a point of contention

Con arguments

You have time

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 13:37.

I can relate to what you are going through in some ways. Unfortunately my own pros list does not even compare to yours, you have it way better than I in that category. The Cons in my relationship out weigh my Pros. I have to make a similar decision. And so, I am writing simply to share the technique I am using to decide. Take a moment to write your ideal vision of what your fulfilling relationship feels like in your heart, mind, body. Sure, sometimes we can easily think what we want is sometimes a "fantasy", don't limit your dreams, in fact dream BIG. But only spend 45 seconds. Jot down your thoughts quickly, about what it will feel like to be in your ideal relationship. DO not use specific details as to what he must be like, but focus on how will feel. 45 seconds. The brain will sort through your confusion and pull out the most relevant and important things based on where you are in your life right now - young and vibrantly creating the life you want to have :)

Now take a look at the CONS list and write down the opposite of what he does , as if it were a PRO. Now you have a clearer picture of what you really want.

Is he capable of acting the opposite of the CON? Has he ever done the pro version? How do you feel about that? These questions may help you to reach within and reveal the answer your heart and soul (along with the help of the universe, Almighty, or greater force working within you) is trying to tell you. This experience is trying to show you the path you must take. All relationships are mirrors showing you what is going on inside of you...... the discomfort you feel is happening because it is time for change.. and what is currently going on, is not a match with your heart's desire......In order to change what you are experiencing, you gotta change yourself first.

I have more techniques,I do not want to overwhelm you. Take your time, one step at a time.I wish you the best.. All of my relationships have been fabulous up to this point...and me being 38 and experienced, truly have developed some great techniques to be fulfilled....except for this one..because he is my child's father...the only reason i have stayed this long. No relationship will be perfect but it should be easy to disagree....

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